Random Thought of the Day II

.... Crap I forgot my random thought. Gimme a second and one'll come back around.
.............
...............



  Bruce Lee looks like a Romulan. o.o







....eeeeeeyeeeeebrrooooooowws....

EARWORMS 6

.... *BAWWWWWWLS*

Guess what? ZOMBIE TEAM OF 5/27/2010

And the winners/zombie food are....

Camille Lecointre
Melissa Johnson-Hill(You're in here a lot, dude. You best be displaying some zombie fightin' skills.)
Brenda O'Brien
Danielle Pacheco
Michael Delopa


Survival Rating: 14%.

Y'know why? BECAUSE IT'S CAMILLE'S BIRTHDAY! EVERYONE KNOWS BIRTHDAYS MEAN THE ZOMBIES WIN! IT'S ZOMBIE RULES! So happy birfday Camille, darlin', and try not to let the zombies eat you first :D

Dear Housewives of Whatever City You're In Now

Dear "Real" Housewives,

Real housewives don't have TV shows.

See Below:

This is you. Or some of you.

This? IS AN ACTUAL HOUSEWIFE. Please note, she's SCRUBBING HER OWN OVEN. Aaand how many of you are actually hiring NANNIES to care for your kids?


The conclusion? "Real" Housewives are far different from ACTUAL Housewives. Thank you. Please note the difference and amend your show title. Or get off TV already. :D Either works for me!

Love Jo


PS: Acceptable replacement titles for your show would be: Trophy Wives, Barbie Wannabes... and I don't even want any royalties if you use 'em. :D

Zombie Apocalypse Team 5/24/2011

Aaand it's Tuesday!

Today's Team IS: Townsend Eric Thorndike, Kevin P. McBrearty, Heidi Yeung, Anthony Hufford aaaand... Ana Demelo-Cloutier.

Survival Rating: 89%

Pretty sure Townsend is VERY skilled in zombie killing. Or at least dual wielding a shovel and a chainsaw at the same time. Kevin probably knows more about zombies than I do, Heidi is Asian so when she eventually GETS to the states to be part of my team she'll have fought through more zombies than anyone on the planet. Twitch..? ...uh. Yeah. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD DO AGAINST ZOMBIES. Ana? Again. Got two hands, you can probably wield a shovel quite handily. Or a frying pan. DO IT SAMWISE STYLE!

EARWORMS 6

GAHHHHH. ACHRIUS! WHYYYYYYY

I mean AFI is awesome, but THE EARWOOOOORMS.

Zombie Apocalypse Team 5/23/2011

Today is MONDAY! Which means... ZOMBIE TEAM ASSEMBLE!

*A few clicks later*

Ian Kewley, Amity Booth, Alyssa Anne Gray, Justin Wagner and Patrick Conners.


*Insert a long pause here. Lots of ellipses.* Yyyyeah. This is a tough one. While I know that Justin Wagner would probably ride in on a pony and kick ass... I have NO idea what the rest of ya'll would do.

Gonna call a fair estimate a Survival Rating of: 52%

This Message is Brought to you By

Gatorade.

And Two Lumps

Zombie Apocalypse Facebook Game!

I'm sure everyone has heard of this game by now, and if not, you're about to.

THE FACEBOOK ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE GAME GOES LIKE THIS:

1. Go to your facebook profile.
2. See who the first five people on your randomly generated friendslist thingy on the left side of the page are.
3. After seeing and listing them, consider their various zombie fighting skills and then decide on your survivability rate.
4. Post this to make them feel either awesome or like future Zombie Food.

I think I'm gonna start doing this EVERY DAY. So pay attention!

My Zombie Apocalypse Team for 5/20/2011 is:
Townsend Eric Thorndike
Amy Stewart
Melissa Johnson-Hill
Jennie Breeden
Danielle Pacheco

Survival Rate: 98.18%
Since Townsend is an artist, he and Amy can so totally make us up to look like zombies so we can fool them. Plus Jennie Breeden would probably scare the crap out of the zombies. Or become a double agent. Melissa... uh. Not sure, but I'm pretty sure she can swing a shovel competently, unless she has some other zombie apocalypse weapon of choice. Danielle? Mah cousin be a hairdresser. Do you have any idea how awesome it would be for her to style wigs on mannequins  as decoys?

And that, my friends, is how you play the FACEBOOK ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE GAME! Tune in tomorrow to see who is on my next team and whether or not they'll get all of us eaten.

Dear Public Speaking

Dear Public Speaking (In all your forms and guises),

Why must you make my life miserable? I may be able to talk to anyone, but to talk to several someones at once? About stuff I don't care about? That's just mean!

You kinda suck. So, yeah. Go die in a fire.

Love Jo

~_~ Dear Self

Dear Self,

I know you're not the best at self preservation or the retention of basic survival skills lately.. but you really need to quit forgetting to eat. Seriously. One of these days you might end up in a diabeetus coma.

COMAS ARE NOT FUN. (Not that I've ever experienced one, but I assume they're not pleasant.) DON'T DO IT.


Love Jo

PS: Get mom to buy you more pizza pocket snack thingies. And juice. Possible orange juice, because it's time for more variety, or maybe that minute maid fruit punch. Oh, and yogurt because yogurt goes great with your waffles.

PPS: DON'T FORGET THE RITZ BITZ.

Hypoglycemia...? Awesome. (Warning: Long post, no pictures.)

As some of you may know (primarily family or people who are forced to be in close proximity to me while I talk their ears off) I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. Now, the gist of this is my ovaries totally go "Y'know what would be awesome? HIGH CHOLESTEROL AND BLOOD SUGAR YAAAAY" and frigs my body chemistry up.

As some of you may ALSO know, I have recently been prescribed a medication that has been helping me to lose weight. (Next weigh in is this sunday! woooo) What this stuff does is it makes my stomach not empty itself so fast so I feel fuller faster and fuller longer when I eat or drink stuff. So far it has been absolutely wonderful and I've almost lost 30 pounds on this stuff.

The downside...? Yeah. I recently learned what 'feeling fuller longer' can do to me. When I go to school, some days it's a 4-8 hour day sitting in a classroom while my butt gets tired. What happened on THIS PARTICULAR THURSDAY was that I took my pathophysiology midterm and went home. What I failed to realize was that I had forgotten/neglected to eat lunch because I didn't even feel hungry so I figured why should I eat? That's just more calories and calories will turn me into a big ol' fat hippo again. (I don't know why I chose hippo, perhaps because it's fun to say.)




If you are ever in close proximity to me on a day I have neglected to eat and you notice this? Force me to eat a banana or a sandwich or some manner of food item I can stomach. Because what happened later was amazing. Due to my body being insulin resistant, I'm used to being hyPERglycemic and having to restrict any and all sugar intake.

When I got home from the midterm, it was only noon. So I talked to my mom for a bit and we ended up in the car to go swimming at my aunt's house. I ended up having to have mom pull over so I could retch and attempt to vomit becasue I had nothing in my belly and apparently I didn't have any bile either. Luckily--and what probably saved me from a diabetic coma--I had a half eaten bag of skittles in my jeans pocket. So I ate those on the way to my aunt's house and when we got there I got the idea to test my blood sugar to see if it was within normal limits.

Guess what my blood sugar reading was.

71. After eating SKITTLES. Skittles are like... pure sugar. How friggen low was my sugar BEFORE skittles if it only raised it to 71?! Friiiiiiig.

So now I have to be careful to at least eat 1000 calories a day or at least one sugary thing in absence of that. I'm not sure exactly, all I know is I don't wanna do that again because it took me 2 days to recover from it. :<

But so far? I'M STILL ALIIIIIIIVE!! *dances*

Dear Coffee

Dear Coffee (Aka Java, Joe, Mud, GET ME MY DAMN COFFEE)

You are a wonderful substance. You help people get up early in the morning and still be able to function at ungodly hours of the morning. You also help students stay up late to finish projects due the VERY NEXT DAY.

You also have social uses! If you want to express interest in someone, they simply have to ask the object of their desire if they want to go have a cup of Coffee with them.

If only I could find a guy as useful, reliable and delicious as you, the world would be complete.

Love Jo

EARWORMS 5

I HAVE A NEW FAVORITE SONG.

Dear Whoever Decided Hairless Legs are Sexy

Dear Whoever-Your-Face-Is,

I HOPE YOU DIE BY OVERGROWN HAIR GROWING INTO YOUR BRAIN OR CONSTANT BODY HAIR WAXING.


That is all.

Love Jo

EARWORMS 4

Here we go again, I got a song stuck in my head...

I lost more weight!

*Does a victory dance*

I lost more weiii-eight, I lost more weiiii-eight...

Here is my previous weigh in--(I'm keeping pictures so I can remember exactly. I'm bad with remembering numbers.)--

And here's my current weigh in!

I'm so happy ^^

Dear Voltaren Gel

Dear Voltaren Gel,

Thank you for relieving my knee pain.

However:

STOP SMELLING SO BAAAAAAD. ALL I CAN SMELL IS YOUR GELLY, MEDICINAL ODOR! CEASE AND DESIST!

Love Jo

Dear Criss Angel

Dear Criss Angel AKA "Mindfreak"

A POPCORN commercial, REALLY?

STOP BEING AN ATTENTION WHORE PLZ.

Love Jo.

Random Thought of the Day

Northern States get at least one Snow Day a year...

Wouldn't it be fair if us southerners got at least one Hurricane/Rain Day a year?

PLAGUE OF LOVE BUGS

Okay. This is getting more than ridiculous...


DEAR LOVE BUGS, STOP FORNICATING IN THE AIR AND NEAR MY CAR. THIS IS DANGEROUS AND MAKES ME WANT TO KILL YOU ON SIGHT. 

NO LOVE FOR YOU.
Jo

EARWORMS 3

LISTEN TO IT. LISTEN.

Random Thought of the Day

My random thought of the day:

If Beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy... What is Rum proof of?

Dear Edge Shave Gel

Dear Edge Shave Gel,

Your attempt to imitate Old Spice's wildly effective and popular commercials with the hot black guy get the following rating:

Mediocre at best. Maybe a 3 outta 10. Mostly a 2 for lack of originality.

There is no flatrery in this imitation. THERE IS ONLY SHAME.

Love Jo

Dear Liberty Mutual

Dear Liberty Mutual Insurance,

Er. There is a flaw in your 'one model year newer' plan. My car is an old POS. Like, over 10 years old.

NO SALE PLZ.

Love Jo

NEW GLASSES TIME!

I got new glaaaaaasses. I got new glaaaaaasses!

Here they are!

Aaand here they are on my head: 

Yay, derpface! I have a few more. Here!

Srs face. 

Wow, my eyebrows are red in that pic. Just got 'em waxed. They lookin' good!

Aaand...

Really curly hair! YAY! It's getting longer. o.o

EARWORMS (2)

*does the Earworm dance* I got an earworm, now I give it to youuuuu~

Had enough? Here's something to help get rid of it (I love this song): 

Dear Anti-Grammar Enthusiasts

Dear Anti-Grammar Enthusiasts (Also known as trolls, twinks, n00bs, 14-year-olds trying to look 'cool'. [Also, bad grammar is not cool... it makes the Gator Faerie sad. T^T])



There are some circumstances in which bad grammar in typing is acceptable and even fun.

1. Sugar highs.
2. Coffee AND sugar highs.
3. Joking around
4. Disabilities (Broken fingers, arthritis, only having one hand/arm/appendage to which digits are somehow attached.)
5. English as a second language.
6. Poor proficiency in typing.

There are also situations in which bad grammar is NOT acceptable or fun. Those include:

1. Professional Emails
2. Emails to people complaining about internet comedy. (See The Oatmeal )
3. Arguments on the internet in which your opponent is typing better than you. This is perceived as weakness. (See Battle of Wits Tshirt )

EVERYTHING aside, I have a brain tease for you.

People always complain about people not from this country not speaking or typing proper English. But you have to consider something: English is the only language in which NATIVE BORN SPEAKERS have to take classes in it from grade school.

How do we expect other people to pick it up faster than we do?

Love Jo!

Adventures in Dress Sizes

I'm sure every girl has tried on at least one fancy gown, be it for prom, a wedding, some kind of... prom-wedding....

Here's what it looked like when it fit:

Here's what happens when I decide to walk down memory lane now that I've lost some weight. My family--instead of immediately coming to my aid when they heard my bawling in dresstress--decided to grab the cameras! (And webcams, in my  brother's case. I will be trawling youtube for that...)
 (PS Amy, your dress is fine, I just needed assistance to find the zipper to escape it.)

 Yes this is my living room. We don't use it much, cept for exercising and storage. That's my aunt's couch and dining room set against the wall there. We don't have basements or attics in Florida...

Anyway I ended up waddling my still-chubby butt out there looking for help.

Didn't realize brother was in the pic here. Gotta wonder what he's thinking.

Oh wait, I KNOW :D

EARWORMS

IT IS STUCK IN MY HEAD. NOW YOU HAVE IT THAR TOO.

You all have Justin Wagner to thank for it. :D



(If you don't know what an Earworm is, it's a song that gets stuck in your head and won't go away until you replace it with something equally as annoying. LIKE THIS ONE: )

Dear PMS

Dear PMS,

You suck. You make being a woman four times as hard as it usually is, on us and those around us. Whyyyy?

What did we do to deserve the unpredictable roil of hormonal mood swings?! T^T Whatever we did, tell us and we'll stoooop!

Anyway. This's a great empowerment song for when you feel like crawling in a hole and never ever coming out cept to grab at the chocolate offerings your family/significant other/friends/people who fear you leave for you.

And this one because it's badass. (I don't watch American Chopper. I don't really care for the show, sorry if you do. I do however love this song. So yah. HERE IT BE.)

Love Jo

Dear Love Bugs

Dear Love Bugs,

Your name is a total misnomer. There is no way anywhere that you gross little black bugs are lovable or cuddly and pleasant to be around. Stop flying around and scaring me by pretending to be wasps.


And stop making big ol' smears on my vehicles! STOP MATING IN THE ROAD! IT IS NOT SAFE!

Love Jo

Dear Madagascar

Dear Madagascar,

Lemurs are awesome.

That is all.


Love Jo.

Dear Cat

Dear Cat,

I love you too, but sitting and howling outside doors I'm behind does not make me come out there to pet you faster. Hopping in my lap and capturing my hands while I'm raiding doesn't either.

Love Jo.


PS: The howling goes double when I'm on the toilet.
PPS: If you want to play WoW, Valoran, grow thumbs or learn to type.

This is the kitty trying to prevent me from playing on my computer. And from watching TV.

Dear Food Cravings

Dear Food Cravings,

While you can be a lot of fun, you are also very dangerous. First I crave brownies... then I crave twizzlers. Then I crave potato soup, and then more brownies, and now Papa John's breadsticks with the garlic butter and marinara dipping sauces...

Either feed me or stop. o_o

Love Jo

Dear ASPCA Commercials

Dear ASPCA Commercials,


STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. IF I DONATE TO YOUR STUFF WILL YOU NEVER SHOW YOUR COMMERCIALS ON MY TELEVISION OR ANY TELEVISION I HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING AT EVER AGAIN?

No? THEN NO MONEY FOR YOU.

(All my cats have been rescues. I'm not against the ASPCA, I'm just anti-anything-that-will-make-me-cry-while-I'm-PMSing.)

Love Jo


PS: SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME IN AN HOUR THAT COMMERCIAL HAS COME ON *BAWLS*